Monday, July 13, 2009

A Unique Psychic Ability

It was 2:30 AM on Sunday morning and the craving for some Chicken McNuggets hit my friends and I as we were leaving a bar in Chicago.  It was a lovely night out, fellow drunks out in droves, like us, in search of late night nibbles.

So over the the Rock-in-Roll McDonalds we headed and each ordered a #10.  Instead of walking and eating we thought we would take a load off and consume our tasty food while it was still hot.

About 4 nuggets in my friend Kate notices a highly inebriated young man who can barely hold his head up.  His friends are trying to keep him upright and feed him some food in what I can only assume is some sort of attempt at sobering him up.

So Kate says, "That guy is going to puke."

No sooner had the words left her mouth than the guy heaved and decorated the tile floor of the Mickey D's with stomach acid, beer, and what appeared to be Goldfish crackers.

His friends wisely dragged him off to the bathroom while the employees of the McDonald's were left to clean it up.  (Which they did rather quickly and without complaint.)

Now only if Kate could harness that predicting power into winning us some money in the lottery instead of just knowing when drunks were going to puke we could rule the world.

~  The Office Scribe

Oh, and yes, we did stay at the table about 10 feet away and finish our food.  What?  We were hungry!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Possible Reasons My Neighbors Are Running Their AC On A Cool Day

The weather in Chicago has been kinda loopy lately.  One week it will be hot and humid and the next week everyone is wearing a jacket and carrying umbrellas.  For the past week or so it has been a nice cool 65-75 degree, though it is supposed to warm up this weekend.

But what confuses me is why the people who live in the condo above me are running their AC unit.  It has been running steady for I would say about the past two months.  When they turned it on I was still covering my plants at night afraid they might die from frost.  This is something that has been bothering me; wondering why they are running their AC so much.  Personally I went all last summer without turning it on once and I plan to do so this summer (The house I grew up in didn't have it so I am not used to it.)

So I did the only logical thing I could do - came up with a list of possible reasons as to why they are running their AC when it isn't hot outside.

- There they were, a happy couple all snug in their igloo until Chptah got a transfer to the Chicago suburbs where they can't deal with the heat.  So the only relief he can find is in the comfort of the magical cold box which reminds him so much of home.

- Seriously, I don't even want to know how much higher their electric bill might be than mine.  Aside from not liking AC one of the reasons I don't turn it on is because I don't want to spend the money to run it.  If this thing has been running 24-7 for 60 days I can only assume they have found themselves some sort of Utility Sugar Daddy.  Personally I would have mine pay for cable, but to each his own.

- Even though they are grown ups they still need the hum of a piece of machinery to sooth them to sleep.  And since the washer and dryer are harder to curl up on, the AC unit was the next logical choice.

- Much like the movie "The Freshman", sometimes people want to eat Siberian Tiger or Komodo Dragon.  And since neither of those will fit into a Frigidaire then the only way to keep all that pricey, illegal meat fresh is to drop the temp of your apartment down to freezing.

- Honestly, this was the first place my mind went because, well, that is how my mind works.  I am sure, like the dragon meat, they need to keep the place cool so no one smells the rotting corpses.  Now, I am not saying they killed anyone, hell, it might be some way to scam insurance or social security, but I am like 89% there is a non-breathing body up there.

What do you think?

~ The Office Scribe