Friday, January 30, 2009

Keep Your Cash Cow Locked Up – Or At Least Fully Clothed

I was cruising around the internet today and stumbled upon pictures of Miley Cyrus rocking some side-boob action. Sure I could post the pictures here or you could visit one of the dozen or so websites that have the pictures. Now as a female I know we all have the occasional wardrobe malfunction but I don’t remember a lot of them happening before the age of 18. And I think Miss Hannah Montana is somewhere in the range of “just became a legal driver”.

All I want to know is what the hell are Billy Ray and his non-famous wife thinking?

If my kid single handily resurrected my post-mullet career with a freaking Disney show, numerous concerts and enough money to put the Sultan of Brunei to shame there is no way I would let her out of the house in the outfits MC has been wearing. When she was seen in public she would be dressed in clothes that came from a short list of approved vendors, such as:


American Girls


Something from the Cask of Amontillado Collection

And when you do go track down the pictures as I am sure you will (though warning: Any male over the age of 18 who looks at this photos I am pretty sure Chris Hanson will be asking you to “take a seat” real soon…”) make sure you actually take notice of the FUGLY shirt that she is wearing. Like I told a co-worker, when things are that ugly I assume it was given to het by a “special” kid from a summer camp she was forced to visit by Mickey Mouse armed with an assault rifle.

Reason #346 why I am never having kids: Side Boob

~The Office Scribe

Thursday, January 29, 2009

How Bad can Poligamy Be?

One of my co-workers joked to me a while back that she thought it would be a good idea if her husband took on more than one wife because it would give her some time off.  I laughed and said it made sense.

With the new season of Big Love on now the topic was brought up again and the more I think about it the more I am keen to the idea.  In this instance, my co-worker said as long as I cooked and watched sports with her (our?) husband then she would clean and do the laundry.  I damn near moved in with her with that comment.  Who wouldn't want a life like that?

My ideal guy used to be a musician, an athlete or a movie star.  Not for the money or fame, but because they would leave for extended periods of time and anyone who knows me knows I love my alone time.  But now I think I need me a guy who is already married but haas an understanding wife...

~The Office Scribe

Monday, January 26, 2009

Old People Are Funny

I spent the weekend at my mom’s house, as I do about every other weekend for two reasons: (A) I love my mother and (B) she cooks for me. This weekend we also decided that we needed to go to the movies and see some of the films that are nominated for the Oscars. I was a little shocked this year to see most of the movies I had spent the year seeing weren’t nominated. Okay, not really. I came to the conclusion long ago that Hollywood rarely if ever heaps praise in the form of Naked Gold Men for movies that I actually like.

But any who…this weekend my mom and I went and saw Slumdog Millionaire and Frost/Nixon. Both were great movies with superb writing and acting. And I am not blowing smoke up your ass by saying so. I actually really liked both movies, so kudos to the Academy for getting something right.

Frost/Nixon was my favorite of the two, because the portrayal of Richard Nixon by Frank Langella was spot on and that I was the youngest person in the theater by a good twenty years. I guess shame on me for being a 26 (nearly 27) year old who loves American History. I love the looks I get when I am the youngest person surrounded by oldies. They take one look at me and then are forced to glance at their ticket to make sure they didn’t accidently wander into My Bloody Valentine 3-D.

My favorite geriatric moment came when the lights went down and the theater was left in complete blackness except for the faint light coming from the screen. An elderly couple was about halfway up the steps and stopped right by my aisle. Even though I was in the middle of my row, I could hear their whispered conversation saturated in confusion. See, in the darkness they couldn’t see where two empty seats were and stood, frozen like people who run across a T-Rex. Afraid to move lest someone spot them. Or worse, they are spotted and take a nasty tumble down the stairs.

No joke this couple stood there for a good four trailers before something came on screen that was bright enough for them to see that there were some empty seats in my row. So of course, Mr. and Mrs. Santa Clause (that’s what they looked like) sidled into my row and sat next to me, luckily leaving the customary empty seat of separation between us.

I forgot that I was surrounded by people who actually lived through Watergate until about an hour into the movie when a cell phone went off. Now, mind you, I was the only person of the cell phone age in the theater. My mom, who would still be considered a young whippersnapper in that group hadn’t even brought hers. Nope, the phone and its god awful volume 11 ring belonged to a little old white haired women about ten rows in front of me who couldn’t find the thing in her enormous Mary Poppins like carpet bag of death. Right in the middle of a critical scene (because they were all critical) we were serenaded and the suspension of disbelief was broken.

But I guess that serves me right for going to a movie at one in the afternoon. Next time I’ll remember to go to a 5 o’clock show, when the oldies are already in bed.

~The Office Scribe

Friday, January 23, 2009

All Work And No Play Makes Me Something, Something

In a fit of madness today I decided that one blog in my life wasn't enough and I wanted to take on the challange of two blogs. For those of you who don't know, I am also the author of a blog called Asleep Under My Desk which is all about working in an office. But sometimes I want to rant and rave about things that I encounter after I have left the place where I spend 40 hours a week. Hence this blog.

While I might not post with the regularity of my other blog (though you never know...) I promise that this will be a place where you can read about my thoughts on politics, movies, religion, global warming, Paris Hilton, Disney World, my bum knee, crazy neighbors, my new obsession with NetFlix, cooking lessons, and everything else that clogs my mind.

So welcome and enjoy. And feel free to tell me how truly warped I am. I thrive on compliments like that.

~The Office Scribe