The Tome That Is A Subway Napkin

Tonight was one of the few nights where I didn't want to cook dinner.  So I was lazy and stopped at my neighborhood Subway and picked up and Italian BMT, some chips and a Cherry Coke.

While sitting at my desk, happily munching away, I couldn't help but noticed that Subway napkins have a LOT of writing on them...

All this information on calories and how McDonalds and Burger King will kill you faster than Subway will.  I almost pulled out a calculator and figured out how many calories were in my sandwich.  Except and Italian BMT wasn't on the list which is sad because it is the best sandwich Subway can make.

But seriously, what is with all the writing?  It is something that you wipe the extra mayo that leaked out of your sandwich on.

What next?  Shakespeare on Charmin?

~The Office Scribe

Saturday Boredom Courtesy of the USPS

Last Tuesday said they had received the following 3 DVD's*:

- MST3K: Teenage Strangler

- Across the Universe

- State and Main

They informed me that the following DVD's would be shipped out**:

-MST3K: Eegahh!

- Mamma Mia!

- Arrested Development Season 1, Disc 1

Now seeing as I live outside of Chicago which puts me close to a NetFlix distribution center, I normally get my DVD's the next day.

When did I receive the above mentioned DVD's?

Today which is Saturday which is four days after I should have received them.

And since I know NetFlix would not screw me over like this, there is only one entity to blame:

And considering the weather around here has been beautiful lately that can't be a reason.

I am disappointed in you and your eagle emblem...

~The Office Scribe

* Don't judge me based on the movies I returned...I'll watch anything

** But you might be able to judge me based on these movies, who knows.

Want Me To Scrub Your Back Lord Vader?

Whenever I have a party at my house I like to put a little note in the shower because over the years I have learned that party guests always look behind shower curtains.

Two reasons for this odd behavior:

1)  They are super curious and want to see what kind of shampoo I use

2) They believe a serial killer might be hiding in there because they have seen one too many movies...

The last party I had, which has an eighties theme, I decided to put someone from the 1980's in my shower.

Because how many people can say they have shared a shower with Darth Vader?

Aside from the Emperor of course...

~The Office Scribe

The "B" in Plan B stands for BABY

Yesterday was a little crazy around my place because I was preparing for a nice little going away party for a co-worker.  Anyone who has ever thrown a party knows the drill.  Cooking, cleaning, stashing stuff in closets and under beds because you can't find a place for it, setting up the life-size Darth Vader in the shower to surprise people who feel the need to peek in there, etc, etc, etc.

Since I am so busy I generally am not paying attention to what is on TV.  But in the midst of shoving papers from my desk into the drawers the voice-over on a commercial caught my attention.

It was for one of the those morning after after pills and it had one of the most obvious introductions I have ever heard.

"The morning after your birth control fails it might feel like you're all alone.  But you're not."

Now what I am sure the Ad team was aiming for was that you are not alone because there is the option of Plan B out there.  But my mind, and I am sure the mind of every other semi-intelligent person would think, was:

OF COURSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  YOUR BIRTH CONTROL FAILED.  YOU ARE WITH CHILD!!!

Sometimes I think Ad Execs are so caffeined up with lattes that they don't stop and think about what they are telling to the consumer.

~ The Office Scribe

So Bad I Would Have Walked Out of My Living Room

I think I have walked out on one movie in my life.  It was the movie Loser and it was so painful that me and like the 17 people I was with all just up and left when we couldn't take it any longer. 

I am such a movie fan that a movie has to be pretty bad for me to stop watching.  Which is why I am a bit perplexed about my movie choices lately.  While I am careful with what I order from NetFlix, I am not so discerning when it comes to what I watch on ON DEMAND for free.  The past few days I have seen a few titles that I thought "Hey, it's better than watching reality TV" and turned on, only to stop watching after 20 minutes or so.

Fist Up: Resurrection Mary

I was pretty excited when I saw this movie was on since it is based on one of my favorite ghost tales from the Chicago area.  Unfortunately this low-budget blooper didn't do the story any justice and I never made it past the first act.

Second Movie:  Be Kind, Rewind

Rarely can you go wrong with a Jack Black movie.  And throw in the quality that is Mos Def, some Danny Glover and the chick that used to be married to Woody Allen and it's gold.  Unless you package it all together into this atrocity about re-filming VHS movies after a magnetized Jack Black erased them all.  Too bad they didn't follow their own plot and do so with this.

Third Movie:  Over Her Dead Body

I love Paul Rudd.  I have a total crush on him.  Especially when he is running with with Apatow crowd.  But sadly I don't think he is cut out to be a leading man, which he proves in this movie.  Of course, trying to picture Mr. Adorable with a bitchy Eva Longoria Parker didn't help the plot.

Come on Hollywood!  Why are you greenlighting crap like this when there are thousands of better ideas out there?  Send me a self addressed stamped envelope and I will prove it to you by sending you one of my scripts which you can make into a movie and I will give you my guarantee that it will earn more money than these four combined.

~The Office Scribe

What Does Jack Dempsey Have To Do With Bibles on the Blue Line?

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